"She Sells Sanctuary"

Back "in the day", I would've been thrilled to have a girlfriend who'd let her skirt get hiked up while she drove. That seems like a fun chick to me ;)

Sometimes I look back and I question my sexuality (notice, I did not say gender) and motivations pre-transition. I dated women exclusively. I wonder if I really loved some of these women or if I loved some of the things about them. I wonder if I loved them or if I wanted to be them? Geez, thinking about that, I might've been a really terrible boyfriend. I know I wasn't. If anything, I maybe gave too much, which is not always welcome or proper. Looking back, it seems like I've grown into or possess certain traits and qualities that some of the women I dated had in common. Was that maybe some weird mirroring of something I had inside? Was I seeking some way of experiencing something I couldn't experience while living as that gender?

It's been over 10 years since I transitioned and became legally me. 11 or 12 years of estrogen and it makes remembering back pretty hazy. It's kind of funny in that one would think that I would have a better understanding of men than most genetic women, but it's not true. I think a lot of it was that I wasn't a "typical guy", even back then, because I knew of my "problem" back at 6 or 7. As I'm writing and thinking about this, I'm really surprised I'm not a lesbian.